Monday Funday!!

You know it's a Monday when...

In the morning, your normally tame hair looks like a small animal crawled into it, made a nesting place, and then had a panic attack.

You drink a cup of tea to suppress your painfully irritating cough and then you choke on it.

You find it necessary hide away in the corner of the dining hall so you can study with an unlimited supply of coffee and fried chicken.

You congratulate yourself for showering.

Your computer dies in the middle of your paper.

You get the back of your skirt stuck in your underwear after you use the campus bathroom.

You need to chew gum to stay away in class.


Happy Monday all! At least it's not snowing!!!

The Next Chapter

Dr. Crazy Eyes is at it again!

However, at his own request, he is now going under a different title, "Dr. Bald Lion". True story.

As much as I like sharing his antics with those who care to read my blog, I did have high hopes for the semester to gain some sort of intellectual momentum and for the material to start explaining itself (since that clearly wasn't going to happen because of him).

It has not. And I will be okay with that as long as he continues to dish out these fantastic one-liners. My friends, I would like to start with the most memorable quotes from him this semester. Enjoy.

"Houses in Flynntown! Every house had a party and every party had a band and one of them was my band. I was a professor"

(That moment when you think he's about to tell the class his crazy college stories and then you realize he wasn't in college anymore)

"Are underground parties squashed? God, I hope not! Culture can't die!"

(Yes, the end of underground parties would be the end of life as we know it)

"I was in the bathroom at a party and a student rushes in and yells, 'The cops are here!' so we stayed in the bathroom and didn't get a noise violation"

(...that moment you wonder who in this world would invite a middle-aged professor and his band to your college party...and then you just realize he said his band hid in the bathroom while the cops were reprimanding students)

"Our problem is basically me and nothing else"

(You said it, not me)

"I have a love/hate relationship with Moodle...right now it's swinging toward hate but I don't have a reason for that except I'm an idiot"

(And then...dead silence while he awkwardly giggles in self-deprecation) 

"If you didn't turn anything in the first two weeks, I'm not going to be too hard on you"

(His response to the students who haven't done their assignments yet)

"I've been bad, I'm gonna go to confession"

(no comment)

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy"

(Proceeds to clap like a seal)

"I took typing with a nun named Sister Electa. We were typing and she would fall to her knees and shout, 'He's here!!'. I was typing, I didn't know he was here. I didn't even know who he was."

(That may be the winner of all stories)

"I'm really wondering what I'm saying here"

(A recurring theme)

"That was the name of the band I played in. We called ourselves the One Drop"

(I will be sure to book them for my next party)

"I'm having this trouble today, maybe you think I'm having it all the time"

(If that trouble is educating, then yes)

"You two should fight over it!!"

(Sounds like a good way to settle classroom disputes to me)

"You guys have to do all the work today because I'm too paranoid to talk"

(Would that work the same way for being asked to participate in class?)

"I can't be interrupted when I'm on a rant"

(On raising one's hand in class)

"Are you telling me that these people I have crushes on are bland? What about Scarlett Johanson, she has powers!"

(On his love life)

"Wow you guys are having really good conversations today, I wish my material was that good"

(We all do.)

"If Stevie had a partner, they were doing it"

(On other people's love lives)

"What are you thinking about today? And by that I mean what have you been thinking about the whole semester?"

(Well that escalated quickly)

"I always like to throw women in there, wherever there is"

(sounds politically correct to me)

"It's not pornography, it's science! Or is there a difference?"

(You know, sometimes it is hard to tell)

"He looks like Viggo Mortensen!"

(On Jesus)

DCE -"My other students told me a line I should try in class...'Hey! I just popped some Mollies!' And then I'm supposed to lie on the floor and twitch...and then my nipples start bleeding, right?"

Student - "Who's in your class?"

DCE - "A bunch of drug addicts I guess"

(Please....never use that line again)

"Where do the drug pushers hang out?"

(In response to his own question, "Sexton")

"I sort of pictured myself looking a lot like George Clooney or Bradley Pitt. I live in an illusion, don't disillusion me"

(You had me until 'Bradley')

"I'm going to change my name to Mr. Bald Lion"

(On Snoop Dogg's name choice)

"I'm having some serious post-traumatic stress disorders when it comes to that text"

"I hope you guys come with stuff to talk about because if you don't, I'll flip out. That was when I collapsed"

"I threw up. I didn't plan it, but I think it was somewhat appropriate"

(On one of his previous classes)

"If I act weird, please forgive me...even though it might not be different from how I normally act"

(I shudder at the thought of him 'acting weird')

"I just want to show you that picture. It's like marijuana galore, eh?"

(omg.)

"So that's my poem. It's not much of a slam, I didn't want to be up there for two long"

(After reciting two words)

"In a little while, the woman takes off her shirt somewhat gratuitously"

(In-class film)

Writes on the chalkboard underneath the pull-down projector screen - "There! That's what you call subtext!"

(Julia - Dear God, what is this?? It's like a circus)

Well, this made my day

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-happiest-facts-of-all-time

Because of this link, I learned that:

1. The voices of Mickey and Minnie Mouse got married in real life.

2. A group of flamingos is called a 'flamboyance'.
             
3. Turtles can breath through their butt (I feel like this would be a useful thing for evolution to develop for humans, but I'm not sure why)
                       
4. Cuddling is good for health and animals enjoy it.

5. Annddd cows have best friends (will my bffs get offended if I henceforth refer to them as such?)

We dreamed a dream

For The Love of Learning.

When one attends a liberal arts college, one is repeatedly exposed to the ridiculous notion that one must be a well-rounded student in order to achieve anything in life. I mean, really, who needs that? What happened to the notion that science students learn about science and math students learn about math and law students learn about law and communication students learn about communication...

...Oh, that's why.


Regardless, I enrolled myself (a communication student) in an upper-level English class this semester, influenced by both the drilled-in idealistic notion of "liberal arts" and the fact that my first-and-second-year roommate/bff/red-headed companion would be taking the class as well.

The decision seemed innocent enough up until the point where we received our first lecture from Dr. Crazy Eyes (as he's affectionately referred to) and looked on as he stood up in front of the class just shaking with nervous excitement and leading us step-by-step through his own personal website listening to his own personal recorded songs and clicking on a variety of YouTube links. Needless to say, I was confused, having been under the impression that I was taking a class about Reggae and Rastafarianism.

I can't say a lot more about him that will accurately depict just what these class sessions are like, BUT, I have thus far begun a sizable collection of fantastically absurd quotes that he dishes out to the class. These quotes are pure nuggets of gold, in my eyes.

Enjoy.

"I'm really unprepared for this class because I've been thinking too much"

(on why we didn't get a syllabus until the third day of class)

"Last time I taught this class I collapsed on the floor"

(oh dear Lord, please let there be a medic in this class)

"I'm probably blushing right now"

(just please don't collapse on the floor)

"...You would be amazed at how often I screw up technology"

(and then later on that day,) "I am a master of technology and all its forms"

"People trick themselves sometimes and think, 'That beautiful woman does love me' and then I say, 'HA!'"

(People must invite you to parties)

"Go to that website if you wish and do whatever you want with it"

(on assigning us homework for next class period. I would have assumed we would read the     

contents of the website, but I guess that's not a requirement)

"Then he met the girl a few weeks later. And she was a teenage boy"

(on the dangers of the Internet)

"I used to play Sim life because I liked to make them go to the bathroom"

(didn't we all...)

"I think I sweat on this chalk too much"

(what an unfortunate condition)

"The song is really, really evily dirty....but I'm still going to make you listen to it"

(again, referring to our homework)

"I have such strong hands"

(on crushing the chalk in his hands)

"I've been having some oil leaks this semester"

(referring to his brain, not his automobile)

"...and this was around the time of my potty training. You're used to just going, but you can't always get what you want"

(the phrase 'too much information' comes to mind)

"Yeah, it went great, we got to take a picture together and I got to make my rat face"

(on his interview with female artist Dessa)

"You get some action, you need your fraction!...It's a line from reggae"

(excuse me, what is this class about?)

"I met the Whalers. They came to St. Cloud and tried to steal my jacket. I won't forgive them for that"

 (on his encounter with Reggae fame.)

"Ha, 'Bobbie Jean', who knows what gender THAT is"

(ouch.)

"I wanted to talk to someone about it, but no one could understand what I was saying"

(THE moral of the story ladies and gentlemen)

"I don't even know what to say because I know so much"

(what an incredible problem to have)

"Imagine that you go home at night, and there's an anthropologist sitting there observing you"

(no, thank you)

"It doesn't work to apply Socrates to a thermostat"

(wow, I've been doing it wrong all these years)

Sassy Edward

Not my own original work, but THIS PHOTO COLLAGE is the funniest thing I've seen all week. Thank you Emily Boeckmann for bestowing such a gem on to me unintentionally.

All the single babies

Poor, poor child. 

That awkward moment when.

So I finally get my rear in gear this semester. Decide to be productive and waltz all the way up to campus (15 minutes in the 5 degree weather, mind you), find a fat, squishy sofa, plop down into it, and kick off my shoes. I had liquid and solid fuel to last me the next four hours, I had classical music blaring out of my headphones, I was ready to go.

So here I am, 45 minutes later and four pages into this article I still did not understand, just thinking to myself how I could not have made a comfier sofa if I tried, and I notice a girl waltz up and pop a squat right on the other end of my sofa. How rude! The whole room is empty, I counted 13 empty tables, 7 free sofas, and a booth, yet she chose to pop her presumptuous rear into my study bubble. Fifteen minutes passed by, three more girls decided to settle themselves into the couches across from me and next to me, whilst the rest of the room continued to remain empty.

Not about to lose my ground, I wriggled myself even deeper into the sofa's warm, cozy depths, and turned up a beautiful orchestral piece from Pride and Prejudice, determined not to let these obstinate girls ruin my Wednesday afternoon.

Another 15 minutes later I looked up to find myself surrounded my around 10 girls, standing or sitting in a tight circle around me. Oh, also, they were all looking at me.

One man was shaking a sheet of paper in my face saying, "you ready to begin cashier training?"

No. I most certainly was not. And I was most certainly not happy about this group choosing my couch to meet around. And it was most certainly the most awkward moment ever.



My couch :(

I was just thinking too much

Duuudddeeee...

Class. The last semester of college classes for me actually. Have I cried? Yes, puddles.

So I went to class today, which happened to be with my freshman roommate/bff/redheaded goddess/significant other. That was exciting in itself. The second most exciting part of that class, however, was the professor, who seemed to have it as together as a freshman on the Link (our school bus...inside joke, sorry). In other words, he did not have it together.

Don't get me wrong, I love professors who go on tangents. Not only do they say some pretty interesting things, I've learned a trick where I just give them a topic to talk about that's not academic related, after which I settle back in my chair and give my eyes a little snoozy (clever, eh?).

Anywho, he got to talking about the last time he had taught that particular class, during which he had some sort of attack and ended up on the floor. And then the hospital. And I'm thinking to myself, "Is this a warning? Is he expecting any of us to be medically trained? Should I have learned CPR prior to this class?" I then scanned the room searching for some able-bodied young adults who looked like they would be able to take control of the situation should the event call for it.

My point is, I've never heard a professor tell me that the last time he had tried to teach that particular class, he didn't make it through the whole thing.

He also mentioned that he didn't have anything prepared for class because he had been "thinking way too much." Can I please use that? How intelligent would I sound if I told one of my profs that I couldn't finish my assignment on account of thinking myself into a dither?

As an aside, why do I freaking always get an itch on my head the moment my professor asks the class a question? Inevitably, it gets misinterpreted as a raised hand, each and every time.

#college #seniorproblems #notstudyingabroad #thisismylife #iwishihadmoreinterestingthingstoblogabout

#laughatprofessorswhodontknowwhattheyredoing