For The Love of Learning.

When one attends a liberal arts college, one is repeatedly exposed to the ridiculous notion that one must be a well-rounded student in order to achieve anything in life. I mean, really, who needs that? What happened to the notion that science students learn about science and math students learn about math and law students learn about law and communication students learn about communication...

...Oh, that's why.


Regardless, I enrolled myself (a communication student) in an upper-level English class this semester, influenced by both the drilled-in idealistic notion of "liberal arts" and the fact that my first-and-second-year roommate/bff/red-headed companion would be taking the class as well.

The decision seemed innocent enough up until the point where we received our first lecture from Dr. Crazy Eyes (as he's affectionately referred to) and looked on as he stood up in front of the class just shaking with nervous excitement and leading us step-by-step through his own personal website listening to his own personal recorded songs and clicking on a variety of YouTube links. Needless to say, I was confused, having been under the impression that I was taking a class about Reggae and Rastafarianism.

I can't say a lot more about him that will accurately depict just what these class sessions are like, BUT, I have thus far begun a sizable collection of fantastically absurd quotes that he dishes out to the class. These quotes are pure nuggets of gold, in my eyes.

Enjoy.

"I'm really unprepared for this class because I've been thinking too much"

(on why we didn't get a syllabus until the third day of class)

"Last time I taught this class I collapsed on the floor"

(oh dear Lord, please let there be a medic in this class)

"I'm probably blushing right now"

(just please don't collapse on the floor)

"...You would be amazed at how often I screw up technology"

(and then later on that day,) "I am a master of technology and all its forms"

"People trick themselves sometimes and think, 'That beautiful woman does love me' and then I say, 'HA!'"

(People must invite you to parties)

"Go to that website if you wish and do whatever you want with it"

(on assigning us homework for next class period. I would have assumed we would read the     

contents of the website, but I guess that's not a requirement)

"Then he met the girl a few weeks later. And she was a teenage boy"

(on the dangers of the Internet)

"I used to play Sim life because I liked to make them go to the bathroom"

(didn't we all...)

"I think I sweat on this chalk too much"

(what an unfortunate condition)

"The song is really, really evily dirty....but I'm still going to make you listen to it"

(again, referring to our homework)

"I have such strong hands"

(on crushing the chalk in his hands)

"I've been having some oil leaks this semester"

(referring to his brain, not his automobile)

"...and this was around the time of my potty training. You're used to just going, but you can't always get what you want"

(the phrase 'too much information' comes to mind)

"Yeah, it went great, we got to take a picture together and I got to make my rat face"

(on his interview with female artist Dessa)

"You get some action, you need your fraction!...It's a line from reggae"

(excuse me, what is this class about?)

"I met the Whalers. They came to St. Cloud and tried to steal my jacket. I won't forgive them for that"

 (on his encounter with Reggae fame.)

"Ha, 'Bobbie Jean', who knows what gender THAT is"

(ouch.)

"I wanted to talk to someone about it, but no one could understand what I was saying"

(THE moral of the story ladies and gentlemen)

"I don't even know what to say because I know so much"

(what an incredible problem to have)

"Imagine that you go home at night, and there's an anthropologist sitting there observing you"

(no, thank you)

"It doesn't work to apply Socrates to a thermostat"

(wow, I've been doing it wrong all these years)