Fight Club

In my mind, my upbringing with two brothers has adequately prepared me for moderate to challenging  physical combat. It's not uncommon that, when feeling especially spry and energized, I challenge my girl friends to a wrestling match (one at a time, of course, I'm not that ambitious). Despite a few unfortunate and consecutive losses at the hands of my bff Sydney, I've somehow managed to convince myself that I should keep throwing out these challenges whenever I'm feeling particularly burly, assuming that I'll come out the victor.

Yesterday was one of these occasions. My friends and I were having a relaxing night but I was all amped up and looking to do something a bit more....eventful.

I issue the challenge! The girls were skeptical and unenthusiastic but I felt if I continued to egg them on, they would either hit me out of frustration or finally give in. Andrea suggested a modified (supposedly less dangerous) wrestling match where the victor is the one who removes the opponents socks first.

Bring it. Gurl, my entire life has prepared me for this moment.

We faced off, eyeing each other up. I don't wanna say I knew I was going to win, but I knew I wasn't going to lose. In addition to having all these cultivated fighting skills, she happened to be about 6 inches shorter and 20 pounds lighter than me.

She floored me. Twice. My socks were off before I could even locate her feet, let alone disengage the rest of her body so I could concentrate on de-socking her. In the second match, where I tried to vindicate my first loss, she had given up and was lying on her back, panting, so I lept toward her tootsies in her moment of weakness thinking, "YES REVENGE IS MINE", and simultaneously exposed my own feet to which she responded with a simple flick of the wrist. I had been vanquished again.

Desperate to preserve my own dignity, I challenged her sister to take me on. I wasn't going to let these two flukes define who I am as a person.

I'll not rehash the struggle as it pains me to recollect, but, needless to say, I'm rethinking my future career as a pro wrestler.

We got photographic evidence of all three of these fights. No I will not share.

Manders.